If Today Had a Word It Would Be "Ugh"
If hermits looked like they had any fun indoors I would like to see a sign-up sheet because going out for lack of a better word: sucks. Everyone is drinking or eating nachos that look so good and maybe if I just had that jalapeño right there my diet wouldn't notice, right? Maybe? No.
If you can't tell I've hit my wall today. It's the end of the day so I am excited about that but I truly realized why I eat the way I do: because it's the way I connect with people. If I try a taste of someone's beer then we can describe it to one another, if I get myself a beer I'm now a "cool" woman by definition. Food is a common ground for me, if I'm having a party I know I can please everyone with my food and why would I serve carrots and celery when I can create that decadent, scrumptious, mouth-watering whateveritis (my mouth is watering if anyone cares) that everyone will go crazy for? Why would I just serve cheese when if I make something fattening and delicious I can cause a wave of people to talk to each other about their common ground: the food?
I sat with my boyfriend tonight and drank water and started crying because we hadn't had our regular conversation due to the simple fact that if I opened my mouth I would have to breathe in the smell of those heavenly fried potatoes. To his credit he didn't want to go to in-n-out because he didn't want to torture me but I (being the big, tough dieter) said I could handle it. I couldn't. Just having the bag sit on my lap all warm and oily was enough to send me over the edge. So I did what any girl ashamed of her mental strength does: I hid in my room until I had gathered myself. No big deal made, no coddling by the boyfriend, because although it would've been much appreciated I realized here that I have to start learning to rely on myself, to rely on my own inner strength. To say: hey, you're just going to have to find some other way of connecting with people, this is going to be your struggle. Other people might be fighting the cravings but you, my dear, are fighting your crutches. You are fighting to find common ground with others, to improve your conversational skills and to build on the things you already know: you are funny, kind, creative, and supportive. Use it to make others know how important they are to you and that what they do matters to you and then you'll get your common ground. Dammit.
Tomorrow is another day. Remember why you're doing this. You can change your mind, you can change your body. It didn't happen overnight and you can't undo it overnight. Work girl, work.
Also, I've lost 2.8 lbs of water weight.
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